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#1
Old 06-25-2001, 09:50 PM
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Frankie says: Relax, don't do WHAT when you wanna come?

Remember that 80's song by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, 'Relax'?

Lyrics went something like this:
Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come


I can think of million things not to do when you want to come. Think of grandma, pour Tabasco on your 'nads, ram a meat skewer through... well you get the point.

Was it ever determined what FGTH specifically had in mind not to do?
#2
Old 06-26-2001, 12:15 AM
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Umm... come.

I always thought that Frankie would prefer it if you relaxed a bit instead of ejaculating. Make it last at least until the end of the song where he pretty clearly gives you your cue.

Having never actually slept with Frankie, I could be wrong.
#3
Old 06-26-2001, 12:28 AM
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You know, "Frankie Goes To Hollywood" was awesome. Thanks for reminding me. I'm going to go pull out some FGTH tapes.
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#4
Old 06-26-2001, 01:29 AM
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i always thought that the relax bit refered to yer marmite motorway and that was wot all the fuss was about when the song was released?!
#5
Old 06-26-2001, 08:23 AM
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The song is about sodomy.

It is about relaxing your sphincter, which allows for considerably more pleasure in the act of anal sex.


From http://bubblegun.com/features/banned.html

Quote:
Famously, in 1983 Radio One DJ Mike “Myfanwy” Read sussed the worst-kept non-secret in music. Having just played Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s Relax, the red-faced and fuming twat apologised to listeners for not realising that the lyrics “Relax, just do it, when you want to suck to it, Relax, just do it, when you want to come,” were a reference to ejaculation and possible homosexual activities, such as
bum-ups, men-touch and knob-knob-suck-suck (the outraged Read being a fine one to talk, given that, according to a national newspaper some years later, he liked to bed impressionable young fans while listening to The Icicle Works). By the time the BBC got around to banning Relax it had already been performed on Top Of The Pops, and was at number two in the charts. The resultant publicity surrounding the ban propelled it to number one.
#6
Old 06-26-2001, 08:25 AM
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marmite motorway = spinchter btw
hehe :-)
#7
Old 06-26-2001, 08:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lance Turbo
Umm... come.

I think I understand this now. In the phrase, "Don't do it, when you want to come", I always took 'it' to mean don't do <something>, when you want to come", where <something> was some other, unnamed activity.

I see now that "it" is directly referring to coming. "Don't do it, when you want to come" is like saying, "If you're about to come, don't".

A twenty year personal mystery solved!
#8
Old 06-26-2001, 08:53 AM
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I still think you're being a little anal, revtim – or not, actually. It's about relaxing the sphincter to allow access and thereby, eventually, 'coming' (as camkorn suggests with his 'marmite motorway' reference).

At last recollection Holly Johnson (the lead singer) was hanging in there with AIDS but that was some time ago – I don't know what happened............
#9
Old 06-26-2001, 12:50 PM
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<channeling "Emily" (Joan Cusack) in In & Out>

Is EVERY song I like really about anal sex???

</channeling>

First "Brown-Eyed Girl," now this. I don't think I want to know any more "real" song meanings!

<covering ears> LA LA LA LA LA LA LA .....
#10
Old 06-26-2001, 01:06 PM
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Quote:
First "Brown-Eyed Girl," now this.
WHAT?! Explain yourself, missy. My whole world feels on the verge of shattering.
#11
Old 06-26-2001, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Scarlett67
[BFirst "Brown-Eyed Girl," now this. I don't think I want to know any more "real" song meanings![/B]
WTF? Brown-Eyed Girl is about anal sex? As in the Van Morrison classic? That's gotta be some twisted exegesis. Please explain.
#12
Old 06-26-2001, 01:13 PM
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How 'bout that one about turning your brown eyes blue?

#13
Old 06-26-2001, 02:26 PM
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Or the Hokey Pokey?

You put your right hand in,
You take your right hand out,
You do the Hokey Pokey
And you shake it all about.


Sounds pretty suggestive once you look for it!
#14
Old 06-26-2001, 03:40 PM
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Well, being a brown-eyed girl, I always liked that song. Until somebody told me that the brown-eyed girl was really, well, a one-eyed, brown-eyed girl. (Maybe she's Willy the One-Eyed Wonder Worm's girlfriend.) I don't know or care whether it's true or not. The image has been burned into my mind, and that's enough.

I also believe that the "dummy" lyric for Billy Joel's "Honesty" was "Sodomy . . ."

Oh, and thanks a lot, bugger-hunter. [sub]although I always hated that song anyway, so it's kind of appropriate
#15
Old 06-26-2001, 03:51 PM
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'Tis with utmost regret I report there is indeed a school of thought that believes Van the Man is referring to bottom banditry in 'Brown Eyed Girl'. I don't actually go along with it (the theory, that is) but it's there in the archive somewhere- probably in one of those threads about the 'real meaning' of pop toons.

Reading those threads can be a little disillusioning as most things appear to relate to ones toilet.

I s this a good moment to bring up Stevie Nicks anal Coke habit ?
#16
Old 06-26-2001, 03:56 PM
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I thought 'Sodomy' was by the Bee Gees ? - certainly in the right key.
#17
Old 06-26-2001, 04:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by London_Calling

I s this a good moment to bring up Stevie Nicks anal Coke habit ?
If one could ever conceive of a time when it WOULD be a good moment to bring it up, I suppose this would be it. Do tell...
#18
Old 06-26-2001, 06:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Revtim
Quote:
Originally posted by Lance Turbo
Umm... come.

I think I understand this now. In the phrase, "Don't do it, when you want to come", I always took 'it' to mean don't do <something>, when you want to come", where <something> was some other, unnamed activity.

I see now that "it" is directly referring to coming. "Don't do it, when you want to come" is like saying, "If you're about to come, don't".

A twenty year personal mystery solved!
Naive youth that I was, I always thought that this song was about abstinence. i.e.: Relax, calm down, don't have sex when you're really horny, kids.

Must be leftovers from Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" days...
#19
Old 06-26-2001, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by WordMan
If one could ever conceive of a time when it WOULD be a good moment to bring it up, I suppose this would be it. Do tell...
Well !.... I'm not one to gossip but.......

I did look at Snopes once to see if this was a known U/L and couldn't find anything.....anyhoo, this is something from ye old days of having a rock chic / music biz GF ( a world in which embellishment is not a stranger):

Seems Ms Nicks had a substantial habit for some considerable time and, not being entirely devoid of vanity, became increasingly concerned about aspects of her vocal performance - she believed that the wicked powder was affecting the quality.

Instead of giving up the habit, she decided to take it from the bottom up and, U/L has it, someone was employed on a full time basis to blow the powder up her arse.

I don't know the veracity of this but it's quite an often-told tale.

Glad you asked ?
#20
Old 06-26-2001, 06:55 PM
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Employed?

Hell, I'da paid her for that opportunity!
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#21
Old 06-26-2001, 07:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by London_Calling


Instead of giving up the habit, she decided to take it from the bottom up and, U/L has it, someone was employed on a full time basis to blow the powder up her arse.

[/B]

.....oh.....my......


Gotta admit - that's one Urban Legend I hadn't heard, but it does give new insight to the Fleetwood Mac episode of VH-1's "Behind the Music" (argh!)
#22
Old 06-26-2001, 07:12 PM
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I remember we were trying to work out (one evening down the pub, inevitably) how the employee might appear on her tax returns. Best we could come up with was; 'Back room staff'.
#23
Old 06-26-2001, 09:49 PM
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Scarlett said
Quote:
I don't know or care whether it's true or not
Nice attitude from someone who is supposed to be here to fight ignorance, rather than perpetuate it.
#24
Old 06-27-2001, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by samclem
Scarlett said
Quote:
I don't know or care whether it's true or not
Nice attitude from someone who is supposed to be here to fight ignorance, rather than perpetuate it.
Oh, so because I post on this board, I'm responsible for tracking down the veracity of every bit of inane trivia that crosses my path? I dare say there is way more significant knowledge in the world to be pursued than whether a Van Morrison song is really about butt-fucking.

Read it again. My point was that whether it's true or not, the mental image has ruined the song for me.

Oh, and by the way, I edit college textbooks for a living, so I'll thank you not to accuse me of not fighting ignorance. What have you done to contribute to public education lately?

To everyone else: I apologize for the hijack. We now return this thread to the highbrow discussion of the Hershey Highway.
#25
Old 06-27-2001, 12:06 PM
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Hey ! You got the scoop on Barbara Hershey ??

- I may never be able to listen to 'The Wind Beneath my Wings' again. I hope.
#26
Old 06-27-2001, 12:33 PM
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Yeah, I heard that Mick Jagger was doing her in the back door while sucking a Mars Bar out of Marianne Faithfull.

(Have we been kicked out of GQ yet?)
#27
Old 06-27-2001, 01:10 PM
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Just for the sake of thoroughness, the Mars Bar and Ms. Faithful.
#28
Old 06-27-2001, 01:21 PM
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When I don't want to come I think of Ernest Borgnine naked. That pretty much freezes me right in my tracks.
#29
Old 06-27-2001, 02:11 PM
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Woody Allen had a bit in his standup routine back in the mid-sixties about what he does when he wants to .... prolong.....the.....moment.

He thinks of baseball players! (Don't we all?)

The bit's great, too; he has Mays singling, McCovey being pinch hit for...
#30
Old 06-27-2001, 02:19 PM
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Yeah, Frankie says don't come.

This I understand can be easier said than done, so I keep a list handy in my mind to offer suggestions to my gentleman friend, when he doesn't want to come (or more to the point when I don't want him to). Think about this, honey:
  • Eleanor Roosevelt
    The Queen Mum
    bathtub grout
    poisonous toads of Central America
    Barney Fife
    the man at the Hawaiain Shave Ice stand
    patent law
    an unnamed co-worker of mine
    macrame lampshades
    Ron and Nancy Reagan
    getting dental work

I'll have to add Ernest Borgnine to my list. That's just wrong!
#31
Old 06-27-2001, 02:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by missdavis102
poisonous toads of Central America
I don't know, that one possibly could be a turn on...

[Insert toad-licking UL here]
#32
Old 06-27-2001, 03:07 PM
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Ugh - now why would anyone want to think of Ernest Borgnine or Elanor Roosevelt when about to climax? What happens if it doesn't work? The last thing in the world I would want to do is actually come with their image in my mind's eye. That's not the kind of imprint association I want to make.

(Sheesh - it's bad enough in porno vids when they continually cut to shots of some ex-con's ugly grimacing mug. Inevitably, the timing is... unfortunate.)

The solution is simple, straightforward, and sure to please your partner: If it feels like you're ready to pop, and you think it's too early, then just climb off and go down on her for a while. I mean, the point is to make her come first, right?

Right?
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#33
Old 06-27-2001, 10:28 PM
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Scarlett Nothing against you personally. Just the phrase you used.

[/]You[/i] first brought up in this discussion an allusion to Van Morrison's song being about sodomy.
Quote:
First "Brown-Eyed Girl," now this
I understand that it was a flippant comment, but some of the first time readers here might not. They might take it to be truth. It's always hard to strike a balance between adding humor to a question in GQ and trying to not add things that might be taken the wrong way by newbies. I have done it before, I'm sure.

As to what I have done to contribute to public education, I post pedantic replys to GQ. Read 'em some time. Factual, usually, and mostly boring.

I'm just grumpy because the thread should have been dispatched to MPSIMS many posts ago.
#34
Old 06-28-2001, 10:50 AM
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I would hope that even a poor defenseless newbie would understand the difference between a public message board to which any unknown ignorant bozo may post and a standard reference work such as the Encyclopedia Britannica. I know of no academic entity that would accept "I read it in General Questions" as a citation of fact. Anyone who can't tell the difference is on their own.

Besides, other semi-humorous, unsubstantiated references were made here to rumors about Stevie Nicks, the Bee Gees, a Crystal Gayle song, and the Hokey Pokey. Should we flag those for the newbies also? Besides, a few folks asked about my reference, and I clarified that it was a rumor. They asked, I answered. Let the newbies fend for themselves. I'm not here to hold their hand. Nobody held mine when I was a newbie, and I managed just fine.

As for being in the wrong forum, I agree. I said as much earlier. But I don't determine where the thread goes, I just posted to it. Sniping at participants in a thread will do nothing to get it moved. You need to e-mail a mod or admin for that.
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