Academic Pursuits Message Board

[Leaffan]

God. Look, if you want to meet me send an actual God damned message. Clicking on "wants to meet you" makes you about as interesting as you probably are, and it's no wonder you're lonely and single at this point.

I'm two plus years into a separation and am about to put a stake in the heart of that shit.

I have better aspirations than just "wants to meet you." Why? Why do you want to meet me? And for Christ's sake, if I take the time to send you a message could you at least fucking respond?

I signed up on this thing months ago and within two days blocked my profile because, well basically people are jerks. I just unblocked and tried again. I might "might" meet up with one lady after negotiations that the UN would find baffling. I really don't think I'm hideous in any manner, yet POF has been a POS.

I'm not looking for a neurosurgeon or an MMA superstar, just a normal gal with a brain and a sense of humour. Is that too much to ask? Apparently.

[Leaffan]

And why is it that some people my age (53) look like they're about fucking 70?

[ThelmaLou]

Look at it this way: these people are self-qualifying (or dis-qualifying). IOW, they are eliminating themselves from consideration so you don't have to expend the energy. The one(s) you're looking for will stand out from the group. There's at least one really smart, attractive, funny, literate, kind woman on POF. I know that for a fact.

[ThelmaLou]

Oddly, after posting that, I started reading Edith Wharton's The Children (1928) on my kindle, and these are the opening paragraphs:

As the big liner hung over the tugs swarming about her in the bay of Algiers, Martin Boyne looked down from the promenade deck on the troop of first-class passengers struggling up the gangway, their faces all unconsciously lifted to his inspection.

“Not a soul I shall want to speak to — as usual!”

Some men’s luck in travelling was inconceivable. They had only to get into a train or on board a boat to run across an old friend; or, what was more exciting, make a new one. They were always finding themselves in the same compartment, or in the same cabin, with some wandering celebrity, with the owner of a famous house, of a noted collection, or of an odd and amusing personality — the latter case being, of course, the rarest as it was the most rewarding.

Meeting interesting people is not a new problem.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by ThelmaLou

Look at it this way: these people are self-qualifying (or dis-qualifying). IOW, they are eliminating themselves from consideration so you don't have to expend the energy. The one(s) you're looking for will stand out from the group. There's at least one really smart, attractive, funny, literate, kind woman on POF. I know that for a fact.

Move to Ontario.

[Kamino Neko]

I was expecting this thread to be written by Troy McClure.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Kamino Neko

I was expecting this thread to be written by Troy McClure.

I thought he slept with the fishes?


ETA: I get it.

[Slow Moving Vehicle]

Well, Leaffan, you're giving out mixed signals. Do you want to meet a woman, or fuck a fish? No wonder that poor woman was unsure about meeting you.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Slow Moving Vehicle

Well, Leaffan, you're giving out mixed signals. Do you want to meet a woman, or fuck a fish? No wonder that poor woman was unsure about meeting you.

Carp Diem.

[actualliberalnotoneofthose]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

And for Christ's sake, if I take the time to send you a message could you at least fucking respond?

You lost me here. I don't really get that expectation and you seem way too dependent on the outcome to get the benefit of online dating, IMHO.

If you are spending a lot of time sending an initial message, you are wasting your time. Try less filtering, more short messages, and keep your own info fairly basic. FWIW, when I was separated I got nothing off POF but an avg of around 5 legit offers of dates per day on OKcupid. That was 5 years ago, though.

[mhendo]

Originally Posted by actualliberalnotoneofthose

You lost me here. I don't really get that expectation and you seem way too dependent on the outcome to get the benefit of online dating, IMHO.

If you are spending a lot of time sending an initial message, you are wasting your time.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

If i understand the OP correctly, he is sending messages to women who click the "Wants to meet you" button. If someone clicks on your "Wants to meet you" button, it seems to me that the perfectly logical next step is to send the person a fucking message. God forbid you actually engage in some communication that requires more than a single click!

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by mhendo

This is absolutely ridiculous.

If i understand the OP correctly, he is sending messages to women who click the "Wants to meet you" button. If someone clicks on your "Wants to meet you" button, it seems to me that the perfectly logical next step is to send the person a fucking message. God forbid you actually engage in some communication that requires more than a single click!

That's pretty much it, although not all messages I send are spawned by "wants to meet you" clicks; some are just run-of-the-mill messages sent with good intention and then no response, or worse, a response and then absolutely zero follow-up.

Ah well. Perseverance will pay off, or maybe not. Perhaps there are Plenty Of Flakes on Plenty Of Fish. I'm thinking THIS would be a better dating site than POF.

At least people here are somewhat intelligent. Can you imagine having spelling and grammar issues in your POF profile? I run fast from those. Holy shit.

The ubiquitous "your" when you really meant "you're" is a definite non-starter. You could look like Marilyn Monroe and I won't respond to that. I don't want any religion either. If you're religious, then forget about it.

See. I'm at that stage in life where I know what I want, and I'm not going to settle. I settled once before. It ain't happening again. Sorry. But you could at least ANSWER me!

[Ethilrist]

Originally Posted by Kamino Neko

I was expecting this thread to be written by Troy McClure.

I was expecting it to be about this week's Facebook feed, and the Feast of Seven Fishes. Good god, people, enough's enough. Go drink something already.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Ethilrist

I was expecting it to be about this week's Facebook feed, and the Feast of Seven Fishes. Good god, people, enough's enough. Go drink something already.

That's the plan. Glad to see your important contribution here, killjoy.

[Shagnasty]

Hi, how are you?

[Shagnasty]

POF just doesn't work as far as I can tell if you have any standards at all. It has some weird algorithm for matching that causes crazy people to flock to you within the next few hours if you even log in. I have never met a single person from it and don't plan to but the mostly incoherent messages keep coming. It think its niche is a dating site for homeless people and the mentally ill.

Match.com is much better in my experience because the women have to pony up real money to be on it and it is important to know that they have some skin in the game. That doesn't mean it is all sunshine and roses but I have gotten a whole lot of quality dates from Match.com. I just let them come to me and select the ones that I want. Drop $20 a month or whatever deal you can find on a real site and steer far away from POF. Even OkCupid is better than that.

[John DiFool]

Originally Posted by Slow Moving Vehicle

Well, Leaffan, you're giving out mixed signals. Do you want to meet a woman, or fuck a fish? No wonder that poor woman was unsure about meeting you.

They probably mistake him for a groper.

[jerry'smissingfinger]

I know someone who married the dude she met on POF. They talked for 2 years before meeting. So far it's been a good match. 6 years and goin

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Shagnasty

POF just doesn't work as far as I can tell if you have any standards at all. It has some weird algorithm for matching that causes crazy people to flock to you within the next few hours if you even log in. I have never met a single person from it and don't plan to but the mostly incoherent messages keep coming. It think its niche is a dating site for homeless people and the mentally ill.

Match.com is much better in my experience because the women have to pony up real money to be on it and it is important to know that they have some skin in the game. That doesn't mean it is all sunshine and roses but I have gotten a whole lot of quality dates from Match.com. I just let them come to me and select the ones that I want. Drop $20 a month or whatever deal you can find on a real site and steer far away from POF. Even OkCupid is better than that.

That's probably a good plan. A buddy at work recommended POF, but he has a neck tattoo.

[Leaffan]

And what's with people with no pictures. I just got the "wants to meet" message from someone with no public picture. How ugly are you if you can't share a few pictures? I'm not responding to that shit at all.

[Spiderman]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

Carp Diem.

Carpe de carp - seize the fish???

[Merneith]

I don't know what POF is. It took me a long time to figure out that you weren't complaining about God sending you too many fishes. I suggest you try either drinking more, or drinking less, before online dating. Maybe try it both ways and get back to us with the results.

[Leaffan]

Drinking more last night and less tonight: similar results.

I'm thinking of just walking down the street and asking random women for a date. I think I'd have better results.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by Merneith

... I suggest you try either drinking more, or drinking less, before online dating. Maybe try it both ways and get back to us with the results.

If you're going to fuck fish, I strongly suggest drinking more.

[Spud]

I'm in my 50's so it takes me a bit of time to recover after just fucking one fish... but back in the day, boy could I spawn.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Spud

I'm in my 50's so it takes me a bit of time to recover after just fucking one fish... but back in the day, boy could I spawn.

I gotta say, that's entirely commensurate with my experience, and it worries me.

My sex drive has never been Ron Jeremy-like and now that I'm older once a month would be fine by me. And that worries me as I enter the dating pool once again. Once a week would be completely pushing it.

What do the ladies here think of this? I mean I can totally give in other ways (if you know what I mean) and am very happy to, but ejaculations are not too easy these days. And I don't so much ejaculate as just..........well......dribble?

I'm sharing a lot but better here than on a dating site.

[oara]

The site never let me sign up. I can't remember the error message, but internet wisdom was that it was a deliberately misleading message indicating that pof had had trouble from your IP address/range before and didn't want you.

But I tried from different parts of IP-land and always the same. So I imagine it means "You have ads blocked too comprehensively. Go away."

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by oara

The site never let me sign up. I can't remember the error message, but internet wisdom was that it was a deliberately misleading message indicating that pof had had trouble from your IP address/range before and didn't want you.

But I tried from different parts of IP-land and always the same. So I imagine it means "You have ads blocked too comprehensively. Go away."

I have adblock installed and it's not an issue.

[Declan]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

God. Look, if you want to meet me send an actual God damned message. Clicking on "wants to meet you" makes you about as interesting as you probably are, and it's no wonder you're lonely and single at this point.

I'm two plus years into a separation and am about to put a stake in the heart of that shit.

I have better aspirations than just "wants to meet you." Why? Why do you want to meet me? And for Christ's sake, if I take the time to send you a message could you at least fucking respond?

Check if those people that want to meet you, actually viewed you. Otherwise its simply POF seeding fake profiles to entice people into signing up for the paid service.

Declan

[Declan]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

And why is it that some people my age (53) look like they're about fucking 70?

Because they are, just women that are adjusting their birthdate on the signup.

Declan

[tingbudong]

POF is brutal, dude. Like a previous poster mentioned, you are going to need to pony up some cash and get on Match or eHarmony. They are marginally better, and in the world of online dating, that's a good thing.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Declan

Check if those people that want to meet you, actually viewed you. Otherwise its simply POF seeding fake profiles to entice people into signing up for the paid service.

Declan

Oh, well shit. This changes EVERYTHING!

Yes Declan, when I visit their profile it states they have NOT visited mine. I assumed it was a time delay issue and the software hadn't yet caught up to the latest ....... whatever.

FUCK! Help, help, I'm being repressed!

[Leaffan]

I just got another one. Are you SURE that it's not a time-delay issue?

[Acsenray]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

That's pretty much it, although not all messages I send are spawned by "wants to meet you" clicks; some are just run-of-the-mill messages sent with good intention and then no response, or worse, a response and then absolutely zero follow-up.

My understanding is that any genuine women with profiles on sites like these are so absolutely deluged by responses from men that it is often not practical for them to respond to them all, even with a brief, polite message.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Acsenray

My understanding is that any genuine women with profiles on sites like these are so absolutely deluged by responses from men that it is often not practical for them to respond to them all, even with a brief, polite message.

So, they're all a waste of time, eh? Super.

[Rushgeekgirl]

I always thought Plenty of Fish was a Christian hook-up site. I have no idea why. Fish maybe?

[Leaffan]

I dunno. I guess I agree with Woody Allen: "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love."

[AngelSoft]

Hey there's always OKCupid

[Acsenray]

Originally Posted by Rushgeekgirl

I always thought Plenty of Fish was a Christian hook-up site. I have no idea why. Fish maybe?

I believe it's from the saying "There are plenty of fish in the sea."

[RickJay]

POF sucks. Delete your account. Literally every other site is better.

I met my fiancée on eHarmony. Worked great.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by RickJay

POF sucks. Delete your account. Literally every other site is better.

I met my fiancée on eHarmony. Worked great.

Thanks Rick. I appreciate your advice, as always.

[Slow Moving Vehicle]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

Carp Diem.

See, that's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. No wonder you're floundering.


And I also met my wife on eHarmony.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Rushgeekgirl

I always thought Plenty of Fish was a Christian hook-up site. I have no idea why. Fish maybe?

My dear old (departed) dad always told me "there are plenty of fish in the sea." He was very adamant that one did NOT meet a loved one for life, but rather people can and will experience numerous people with whom they can live with during life. My dad was a very wise man. I miss him dearly!

[jz78817]

Originally Posted by Rushgeekgirl

I always thought Plenty of Fish was a Christian hook-up site. I have no idea why. Fish maybe?

nah, that's eHarmony.

Originally Posted by Leaffan

I dunno. I guess I agree with Woody Allen: "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love."

not always

[Slow Moving Vehicle]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

My dear old (departed) dad always told me "there are plenty of fish in the sea." He was very adamant that one did NOT meet a loved one for life, but rather people can and will experience numerous people with whom they can live with during life. My dad was a very wise man. I miss him dearly!

Ah, so you're not necessarily looking for Ms. Right; you'll settle for Ms. Right Here Right Now?

[Tibby or Not Tibby]

The OP is like me: divorced guy in his 50's who doesn't want any complicated relationships, or messy hookups. He just wants some nice sterile, anonymous, non-committal cyber-sex. Wham bam, thank you spam….And he wants it set to music. Something like this:


[thrust in] [pull out][thrust in] [pull out][thrust in] [pull out][thrust in] [pull out] [thrust in] [pull out] [badda-bing]…

Leaffan:…….....girl, I don't know, I don't know why,..can't get enough of your love, baby…[repeat x 3].............ohhhhhh.....…see ya later, alligator...

Cyber-babe:...Oh, Leaffan you so big...you so big you blow my wig, hey Leaffan!...hey Leaffan!...[repeat x 3]...ohhhhhh........................in a while, crocodile...

[Scribble]

Originally Posted by jz78817

nah, that's eHarmony.



not always

EHarmony isn't a Christian site. Its founder is a Christian who believed that we should all be paired up in lasting marriages. The site itself isn't Christian at all, IME.

I've had no trouble finding people of all faiths and no faiths, various political persuasions, and ethnic or national origins. There's no proselytizing, direct or implied there, either.

[Scribble]

It's been a while since I was last on eHarmony, but I suspect the non-religiousness of the site hasn't changed.

[Slow Moving Vehicle]

Originally Posted by Scribble

EHarmony isn't a Christian site. Its founder is a Christian who believed that we should all be paired up in lasting marriages. The site itself isn't Christian at all, IME.

I've had no trouble finding people of all faiths and no faiths, various political persuasions, and ethnic or national origins. There's no proselytizing, direct or implied there, either.

True, but only if you're looking for the opposite sex. Gay folks are invited to go elsewhere.

[puzzlegal]

Originally Posted by Acsenray

My understanding is that any genuine women with profiles on sites like these are so absolutely deluged by responses from men that it is often not practical for them to respond to them all, even with a brief, polite message.

That's what I've heard, too. The attractive women are overwhelmed.

Originally Posted by Leaffan

So, they're all a waste of time, eh? Super.

No, the woman whose search I heard the most about is now dating a guy she met on one of those sites. But no, she didn't reply to every note she got. She replied to the small number that interested her. Apparently, it gets overwhelming for the attractive women, though. She ended up removing photos and only sending photos to guys who messaged her based on other stuff.

Fwiw, my friends who use dating sites seem to prefer Match and OK Cupid. And Tinder, but you are a little old for Tinder.