#1
Old 10-27-2001, 02:02 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 7
Hi. I'm new to writing poetry and the following poem is one of the first I've written. Please take the time to read it and let me know what you think.

I walk around
Acknowledging the cloud of uneasiness lurking above me
Following my every move
I feel the inflicting rain drops
Descending upon me
And they stimulate insecurity
Like a brick wall enclosing me from reality
While acknowledging all this
I suppress it all
While I walk around

Please rate it on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 needing major work, 10 being the best). And I would love to hear your opinion. Thanks in advance.
#2
Old 10-27-2001, 12:32 PM
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Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Gone
Posts: 39,401
I like it. It reminds me of a song that ends on the suspended fourth of its tonic chord. Almost a tautology, but not quite. I like the vaguely melancholy essence that it has while sounding almost cheery. Particularly since it is a first effort, I give it a 7, maybe 7-1/2.
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